Burnout: A Symptom of an Identity Crisis
By Madison Utendahl
At what point in our journey towards self-worth do we allow the demands of others, including those of a demanding boss, to overshadow our own happiness? It’s a question that merits deep reflection, especially when considering the pervasive issue of Burnout. Traditionally seen through the lens of medical symptoms — exhaustion, anxiety, heart palpitations, among others — Burnout is often treated as a physical or mental health issue. However, my experiences have led me to view Burnout from a different angle: as a symptom of an identity crisis.
Having experienced Burnout in various roles — as an employee, a boss, and a freelancer — I’ve spent a considerable part of my life attributing this state to external factors: the workplace environment, demanding clients, or unrealistic role expectations. Rarely did I look inward to question WHY I had accepted these conditions in the first place.
My turning point came in 2018 during a period of life-threatening Burnout. After multiple hospital visits, significant weight loss, and a cocktail of prescriptions intended to sustain an unsustainable level of performance, I had fully hit rock bottom. This period of crisis led me to desperation, so much so I found myself reaching out to relatives notorious for harsh advice. Her response to my complaints about my work conditions was blunt: “This is a choice Madison. You don’t have to work there.” Although dismissive, her words sparked a painful but necessary journey towards recognizing that much of my Burnout stemmed from my own decisions. This epiphany was the beginning of a transformative process, not only in my career but in how I viewed myself and my work.
Eventually, I quit my job, started anew, and built a business grounded in principles that prioritize Burnout-prevention over work. This journey of self-reinvention, which took me four years to fully digest, was not just about changing jobs, but about fundamentally reevaluating my relationship with work and self-worth. Burnout, I’ve come to understand, is not merely a symptom of our work environment but a sign of a much deeper identity crisis. It’s a state that forces us to confront uncomfortable truths about our values, priorities, and the societal narratives that shape our understanding of success and self-worth.
For my entire professional career, I had fully embodied the narrative that our greatest work comes from a place of selflessness and sacrifice; a myth that only serves to imprison us within a cycle of Burnout. I internalized it even further through my identity as a creative and entrepreneur, two deeply personal titles that share a belief system that — our “blood, sweat, and tears,” go into the job. Our devotion is admirable but also tragic, revealing a profound misalignment in how work and life are balanced. This imbalance is exacerbated by a culture constantly on our phones, emailing, texting, tik-toking, pinning, slacking…a never ending digital whirlwind. The once-discernible boundaries between home, work, and leisure have dissolved into chaos. We can’t remember who contacted us, where, and how in the world will get everything on our to-do lists done, leading to a state where Burnout is not just common but expected.
In this context, privilege plays a crucial role. The ability to even consider a change in one’s work life is a form of privilege that many overlook. Acknowledging this privilege is not about diminishing the hard work and challenges we face but about recognizing the broader systemic issues that contribute to Burnout. The conversation around Burnout and privilege challenges us to reflect on our choices and the societal structures that influence these choices.
This essay is not a dismissal of hard work or the realities of having a toxic work environment. Instead, it’s an invitation to consider how privilege — understood here as the capacity to make choices about our work and lives — plays a role in our experience of Burnout. If you have the means to consider a career change, even something as seemingly minor as paying for a job application or LinkedIn Premium membership, you possess a degree of agency in shaping your life’s direction.
Acknowledging this privilege does not negate the validity of your struggles. However, it does challenge us to confront the uncomfortable truth that our Burnout often reflects deeper issues of identity and self-worth. Burnout, then, becomes a series of choices: prioritizing external validation over internal needs and values.
My repeated experiences with Burnout taught me a crucial lesson: I am not my Burnout. It’s a message that I, and perhaps you, needed to hear. Recovery from Burnout isn’t just about self-care; it’s about recognizing that we have the power to choose differently.
Whether you’re employed, self-employed, or somewhere in between, the principle holds: our choices significantly influence our well-being and happiness. Accepting this can be liberating. It means every day presents a new opportunity to choose a path aligned with our values and identity.
This perspective on Burnout — as a signal, not just of a need for rest, but for a radical reassessment of our choices and values — offers a way forward. It invites us to stop focusing on the bad boss, the competitive co-worker, the capitalistic corporate structure that has us working ungodly hours, and has us embrace the possibility of change…Not just for ourselves but for the collective well-being of our communities. The acknowledgment that “working hard means suffering” is a narrative we can choose to reject. In its place, we can cultivate a culture that values presence, rest, and the pursuit of work that genuinely reflects our worth and aspirations.
Let’s start by believing in the power of choice. It’s challenging, yes, but immensely rewarding. Burnout doesn’t have to be the end of the story. It can be the beginning of a profound journey towards finding and affirming our true selves.
You have the power to choose differently. And that’s not just important — it’s transformative.
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* In March 2024, myself and Utendahl Creative will be launching a Substack called “BURNT🔥” It is a space where we explore the nitty-gritty of Burnout, creativity, and identity in the modern work landscape. We’ll be unpacking the real steps to recovery and self-worth by going beyond the cliché of self-care. We tackle the actual questions, joys, and frustrations that creative professionals face. From the fear of taking a vacation due to an inevitable workload pile-up, to dealing with the expectation of on-demand creativity, and the guilt-tripping that comes from wanting a balanced life — we’re discussing it all. This Substack will be a forum for honest conversation, where we share experiences, challenge norms, and seek to understand the complex world of creative professionals.
